I think there should be more popular songs about failure.
I came across a voice memo I made on my phone a while ago, and realized it goes with some things I’ve been stewing about lately. I love Chan Marshall’s music and late one night I figured out ‘The Greatest’ and did a recording to not forget. (You’re right; I taped my phone to my typewriter to make this video.)

And hey, I had a great little epiphany last month which was very liberating because it came from a shameful artistic confession that lead to repentance:

By cool I mean a few things –
accepted, vague, mysterious, a bit dark, edgy, interesting, in control, confident, current, skeptical, well-dressed, unapologetic, outsider but insider.

I’m not cool in those terms. I still get acne. I am insecure a lot and struggle with anxious thoughts even if I don’t let them stop me that often.

I am very tender-hearted, sentimental, drawn to the older, worn things, I like quiet, I love hand-made-ness, awkward moments, and I don’t like apps. I’m very optimistic, and don’t know how to write up-beat songs. I’m a Jesus-follower (cool points minus a zillion). And folk musicians are rarely cool at all, let’s be honest.
So: the “cool” thing needs to go, because it’s not me.

I have been harsh on myself lately, over-critical of my song-writing in the initial stages — judgmental before I get anywhere, and I have felt very stuck and capped at times. I feel this need to prove myself and it really shuts me down sometimes and causes me to not share things I’ve made, or finish them…… they may not be gold, but what if they could be a clay pot to give someone a drink they needed at that hour? It may not last and it may not be mass distributed, but what if it could be something for someone for a short time?
I keep wondering, as many artists do, where is the place for my work? If there is one, where does it fit?
But we don’t always get to know that; and it may be better if there is no place yet.. because that would mean we are making new space that other people have most likely been waiting to come into.

I know I don’t try as hard to be cool as some people, but it’s in there, and it’s an unproductive comparison mindset that’s tiring. There’s also in there that if I am pursuing the arts I need people to want to buy what I make in order for me to live. It’s so human though — if I’m honest I really want you to think I’m beautiful, collected, able to not worry, that I have a plan and that I’m a really great artist who’s just naturally gifted and doing one right thing after another.

Nope; there’s no guarantee we’ll be called “great” or remembered, but we can be something, and it will be better if we give ourselves permission to be that… otherwise we will never develop creatively or personally.
This isn’t even a cool blog post, I’m basically saying relax! be yourself..

So in the words of someone way cooler than me: “You can try the best you can. The best you can is good enough.”

“Melt me down.”

*Bre

Happy Halloween and stuff ! A tiny purple unicorn helped me make a narwhal costume today.

In other McNews:
I joined a synthy 80s band called Raised On DJs. Didn’t see that coming but it’s been fun times learning new songs in a totally different genre and being real loud with a full 7 person band. We’ve got some gigs in the next few months including a CD release show Nov 18th and at CiTR radio’s Shindig fest.

I’ll keep you posted on more gigs with them and you can check out more music here.

*Bre

Put my phone on a nail in a tree and made this video. Filmed at Alta Lake after visiting Whistler, BC last week.
Stephanie Ratcliff on backups, original song by The Innocence Mission.

A few weeks ago I dreamed I was hanging out with Robin Williams.
Nothing epic or comedic happened; we were just talking like friends do, and I remember looking closely at his face, and what his presence felt like. I’ve had dreams likes this before where I’m just hanging out with people in my brain.

I checked my email later that day and had a message from iTunes saying, “Thank you for your purchase of Dead Poets Society and The Possession of Michael King … If this order is wrong, please click here..” I didn’t buy these movies and the link didn’t go to the proper iTunes site so it was some kind of scam. Weird.
The next week I was setting up my paintings at the downtown library and saw a notice for a literature seminar series called “Dead Poets”. Also weird. A few days later I decided to re-watch Dead Poets Society, and found out it came out in my birth year. I replayed the scene where Robin Williams is quoting Walt Whitman, looking at the photographs of deceased alumni with the students.

My brother Joshua was working on a new song that week and had an instrumental section he wanted to sample some audio from a movie or famous speech into, something to do with the theme of seasons. I told him about this reoccurring Dead Poets stuff and he said maybe he could use a quote from there.
So, he did. I like the song even more now, knowing the other personal stories behind it too, and really wanted to do the artwork for it. So, I did.

I used four fireworks explosions to signify the four seasons, and it was released on the autumn equinox.

The next day I went to visit Josh and we spent most of the time on the roof or in the basement working on the video. He made the video (and I gave him good ideas) with footage he bought online, and it all fits eerily well. Or, maybe it looks random to you, which is still nice I think..

You can download this song and others my brother has written and/or produced at www.no1cares.net. I am singing backups on one of the other tracks, called “Ghost”. Hmm.. So it goes.

Whenever you read a good book, somewhere in the world a door opens to allow in more light.
Vera Nazarian

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/106125164]

Exciting news ! I’m going to be in a book featuring 100 Vancouver creatives coming out this fall. I hope it will open lots of doors and windows somewhere out there.

I was honored be a performer last night at the We Make Stuff book 2 launch party among many talented folks, & I can’t wait to hold this book in my hands.
They’re up for presale now and hey, they wanted to use my music in the video and a clip of me speaking at their first studio series event. ch ch check it out for a sneak peak.

It’s been a sweet week for me– been working on new songs, painting, got to speak and sing about my work at the Open Book Art Collective show opening on thursday, and tonight I will be doing a backyard concert with Stephanie Ratcliff to close off this beauty of a summer.
Here’s a video from Steph’s gig last month:

The Open Book art show went fantastic, 70+ people came out, we had some great conversations going about the work, I accidentally sold a painting, and someone wandered in off the street who saw the poster. She happens to be in a book club that is going through another Alice Munro collection, so we got to talk about the writing more in depth, and she’s going to bring her whole club out to the VPL to see the show this week. Great times and memorable happenstances of things coming together; I am so grateful to be a part of this collective.

Tonight I will be supporting Stephanie Ratcliff on harmonies, ukulele, banjo, glockenspiel and a tambo-djembe fashioned by Ryan Cadamia. Beautiful Music Machine will be playing a set before us under the twinkle lights and we’ll be on 9-10pm. I want everyone to come. 8pm @ 10 West 11th ave, Vancouver.

The 11″x17″ posters I made using Steph’s song lyrics are up for sale again, too. Here’s one of them:I hope you all have a great long weekend and if you can’t have a backyard party with us, I hope you are having one somewhere else, with tiki lamps and wine also…

-Bre

Open Book Art Collective has our third show opening this week!

The book we chose to work from is a collection of short stories by Alice Munro, a Canadian author who recently won the Nobel prize for literature. Each artist had two stories to base our artwork on in our various mediums. It’s been interesting to see common threads through our separate art pieces, and the conversation that is animated between the materials, colour palettes, and the context of the gallery space.

Here’s a few photos from our installation process at the Shack Gallery where we’ll have our opening before we install at the Downtown Library:

Setting up our Winnipeg artist’s work, Katrina Stock.

Joelle Gebhardt‘s work was shipped in from Berlin this week.

The last image is a sneak peak of my painting series which addresses the literary aesthetic of Alice Munro’s writing beyond the individual short stories I had to work with. Our opening is in a more intimate, visibly lived-in space (definitely not a white cube) which works well with our collection. Since there’s a unique opportunity to share and have conversation in this space I will also be performing a song that touches on similar themes as my paintings, and Jenny Hawkinson will be speaking on behalf of the collective.

I’m really looking forward to the evening and the interaction with those who come out; but if you can’t be there please do stop by the Moat Gallery (downstairs by Alice McKay room) at the VPL in September.

Keep updated with us on facebook, or www.openbookartcollective.com

I just realized I never updated this since my last post of ukulele distress..

As you can see in the below iphone video, I got my beloved Kala back!
I am still a bit in shock at the amazing grace dumped on me.. and it’s more than a good story, I needed that thing to perform at a few shows the following weeks and couldn’t afford to buy a new one. So here’s what happened:
If you look down at my last post you’ll see there is 1 comment on it. A week after the incident I got an email notifying me about a comment on this blog.. and I of course freaked out; laughed hysterically, hopped around and fell on the floor when telling my room mate. A security guard from children’s hospital (the closest building nearby to the bus stop I left the ukulele) had seen it in the lost and found and thought the owner would really like it back so he went to the trouble to track me down, himself being a ukulele player too! Stupidly, I didn’t have any personal information in the case, but there was a priceless performers badge on it which I posted about hoping someone would google search for my mom’s name on it… and it worked! So there are two heroes here that I learned and recorded this little song for — the person who took it to the children’s hospital when they easily could’ve pawned it off, and also the security guard detective.

Just goes to show that making a little extra effort to be kind can change someone’s world, and I only hope for the opportunity to do the same for someone else. Here’s to all the kind strangers out there…

-Bre

Hi, I made a poster today.
I have the special honour of being in Stephanie’s band for the night — it’s her first time doing a full show of her own songs which are so raw and honest and a privilege to hear. It’s gonna be a gooood time and will most likely impact you forever, because that’s the type of person she is.

-Bre

PS
You’re invited